Apparently when you mix Percoset and beer you get a nice long nap. Like a 16 hour long nap. I have hidden the pills and told Josh that if I ever find he’s been mixing the two again I will be making other living arrangements for him.
Things are strained as usual. He had some trouble falling asleep last night since he’d slept so much during the day and that of course meant that I had trouble sleeping. I think I finally got to sleep sometime around midnight.
I asked my doc yesterday about all of this and she said it’s probably just that I’ve already started the grieving process. She said the depression is very normal as is the trouble sleeping. And unfortunately she said it will probably get worse before it starts to get better.
My uncle is here and that seems to be cheering my dad up. He had a really good day yesterday. They’re back to talking about moving him to a rehab facility later this week. Today he’s supposed to have his first radiation treatment. I just hope it all goes well. It would be nice if he could catch a break for a change.
I’m ticked at Josh again, seems like the usual morning thing anymore. I was very sweet to him before I left for work. I told him I love him and asked how he was feeling. He replied in a nice way but didn’t ask me anything or say anything other than the bare minimum to get his message across. I haven’t heard from him since except for one of those fucking text kisses. God I hate those kisses.
It’s petty and it’s stupid but I guess that’s the mood I’m in.
Maybe I’m just looking for reasons to leave him again. I haven’t really been happy lately, but how much of that is because of him and how much is my own doing? We make our own happiness – I shouldn’t be relying on him to make me happy all of the time. It just really feels like I do all the work to make things run as smoothly as possible and he just takes for granted that I’ll keep doing those things.
